Here's a picture of my pride and joy looking ever so handsome on his first day back to school. He was very excited to go back, to see his teachers, Miss Shawna and Miss Heidi and all his friends. Since that first day, his excitement has waned. Every morning starts with tears and ,"I not want to go to school." I know Northridge provides excellent care and instruction for my child, but what it comes down to is, he just wants his mommy. As much as I love and am fulfilled by my job, I really do wish sometimes I could give him just that-his mommy full time. Such a precarious balance for the working mom. I feel guilty if I am enjoying work too much and feel guilty if I give all of my attention to Andrew because then my teaching suffers. Every summer we have more fun than the year before and it has to be pretty hard for him to see all the fun with mom come to an end once again as she goes back to (four-letter-word)-WORK. Such is the life of the working woman! At least I have those precious summers and I know I am not alone-millions of women share my feelings and concerns. Not ideal, I suppose, but comforting nonetheless. Here's one of my deepest, darkest, secret shames: even if I was rich-I would still want to work. I love being with Bubba, but teaching gives me a sense of self-esteem and accomplishment that I don't get from staying home. I know, terrible, but I need both motherhood and career to be really happy. I guess that will always leave me just about where I'm at-guilty and conflicted, yet strangely happy and fulfilled at the same time. Maybe it's time to reinvest in some serious self-evaluative therapy sessions to sort through all this angst. Anyone know a good babysitter? It's a viscious circle!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Return to the Real World
Here's a picture of my pride and joy looking ever so handsome on his first day back to school. He was very excited to go back, to see his teachers, Miss Shawna and Miss Heidi and all his friends. Since that first day, his excitement has waned. Every morning starts with tears and ,"I not want to go to school." I know Northridge provides excellent care and instruction for my child, but what it comes down to is, he just wants his mommy. As much as I love and am fulfilled by my job, I really do wish sometimes I could give him just that-his mommy full time. Such a precarious balance for the working mom. I feel guilty if I am enjoying work too much and feel guilty if I give all of my attention to Andrew because then my teaching suffers. Every summer we have more fun than the year before and it has to be pretty hard for him to see all the fun with mom come to an end once again as she goes back to (four-letter-word)-WORK. Such is the life of the working woman! At least I have those precious summers and I know I am not alone-millions of women share my feelings and concerns. Not ideal, I suppose, but comforting nonetheless. Here's one of my deepest, darkest, secret shames: even if I was rich-I would still want to work. I love being with Bubba, but teaching gives me a sense of self-esteem and accomplishment that I don't get from staying home. I know, terrible, but I need both motherhood and career to be really happy. I guess that will always leave me just about where I'm at-guilty and conflicted, yet strangely happy and fulfilled at the same time. Maybe it's time to reinvest in some serious self-evaluative therapy sessions to sort through all this angst. Anyone know a good babysitter? It's a viscious circle!
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3 comments:
Oh Nicole, I so hear you on this. Dan seriously had to twist my arm to get me to quit. It was only after I found out I was having twins that I agreed with staying home. Working at a job that you enjoy that is meaningful is such a good part of life! I really miss it. And as soon as these kids are in kindergarten, I'll be going back. Daycare costs would just be astronomical at this point. My mom taught school while I grew up and really I don't think I was cheated at all by having a working mom. She was happy and so was I. You're doing such a good job with Andrew.
Thank you Megan-you do my heart good! I wish you could come back just next year so Bubba could have you!
I'm so glad you're back to blogland, at least just a little, so I can see what's going on in your life.
You know that I totally get that mom angst, so I feel for you. I'm sure you'll figure out that happy medium that works for both you and Andrew. You are a great mom, working or at home!
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